Thursday, February 12, 2015

Phrases that annoy me

"You need to broaden your horizons."

It's nice to be able to expand on something in more detail than 140 characters, having recently finished my complete transplant onto twitter.

Somehow, over the last few years I have gained a reputation for being a bit of a home bird and not being very adventurous with travel, food or pastimes.

Over discussion today about a fish restaurant that was the venue for a work night out, I was asked what I thought. I stated I don't like fish so probably wouldn't want to eat there unless there were other things on the menu. I was quite happy to go along and eat chips and bread-sticks so I didn't derail anyone else's night. Then one of my colleagues uttered the title phrase.

"You need to broaden your horizons."

Now, I may have narrow interests and horizons but that it because I have had broad horizons and chose to narrow them, because the broad ones were rubbish and gave me dysentery. When it comes down to it, I like simple things like football, fast food and pubs.

It is one thing to be resistant to change, it is entirely another to have experienced different cultures and decide that you don't actually like it. This is something many of my friends don't understand. How can you have visited the 4 corners of the globe but want to go for dinner in the same pub in Northampton? It is very simple, I compare gastronomic experience to my yard stick (Bacon cheeseburger) and if it is not as nice I don't go for it again. I don't see why you can just do the things you enjoy, many people I know seem to do odd things just because they can. I understand, I was like that a few years ago.

I've been to every continent except Antarctica and sampled many a dish and activity. Some, like bungee jumping and guinea pig I never want to repeat again. Others, like test match cricket and tacitos I have taken to my heart and carried them on. When on my elective in South America, the group of travellers I was staying with also noticed how I was less than thrilled with some of the "experiences" on offer. One jokingly said I should write a travel guide titled "The world through the eyes of a grumpy bastard."

The example they were referring to was the description of my trip to Machu Pichu:

"A World Heritage site? It took 5 days to walk there and all I was greeted with was pepsi stands and panting tourists. Magical ruins? More like boring rocks, the church in my village is older and prettier. At least climbing up Wayna Picchu meant I could look at the site and leave the panting tourists to their angina."

I think it has some legs, but Karl Pilkington appears to have cornered the market in the genre since I went so it'll probably not make me my fortune. I have diaries of all the major holidays I have been on and some of them make me chuckle but I'm not grumpy, honestly, I just like very simple things!

So, the phrase annoys me because it assumes that I haven't experienced life enough. I have, I just choose to be boring.

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